The "Middle Years"
Helping a young person during their adolescent and teen years can be both challenging and rewarding. You might enjoy these simple and effective tips for not only surviving this time with your children, but also thriving:
Think ahead to possible conflict. One of our best tools as parents is being prepared. As your son or daughter gets to the middle years, get ready for at least occasional conflicts. Think through what's truly important to you. Is your young person’s hairstyle as important as homework? As these give-and-take situations start, know ahead of time what areas you are and aren't willing to negotiate.
Break down big deadlines into small parts. Sometimes young people feel overwhelmed by tasks, especially those they've let go for a long time. High-stress situations can cause the young person to give up rather than get started. Help your child by showing him how to set smaller goals. Adolescents have trouble structuring tasks so that they're more approachable.
Encourage the young person to keep a daily list. A weekly list can sometimes be overwhelming, try a daily list instead. Each day he can put a few things on the list that needs to be done that day. When he has finished the task, your child can draw a line through it to show accomplishment.
Don't hesitate to help with reminders. Try to think ahead about materials that she'll need for a project (unless you look forward to late-evening visits to the store). This won't last forever. Remember that when she was learning to walk, you held her hands and made the path smooth. Now she's learning to take on a tremendous assortment of life tasks and changes.
Be willing to listen, but don't poke or pry. Kids this age value independence and often seem secretive. Keeping to themselves is part of the separateness they're trying to create. Let your child know you'd love to help him, but don't push him into a defensive position. If your child is in the midst of a long-time friendship that is falling apart, the best thing you can do is stand by and be a good listener without trying to “fix” the problem.
If the issue is minor, keep things light. The shoes on the floor, the wet towel on the bed, the milk left out -- these annoyances are maddening, perhaps, but not earth-shattering. Call attention to them in a humorous way so that your middle-schooler knows you want action, but that you're not being punitive: "Either the cat's smarter than I thought, or you left it on the counter. One of you please put it back before it spoils."
Give a few of these a try and hopefully your week will go more smoothly!
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