A MEMORANDUM FROM YOUR CHILD
Recently I went searching in my office for a copy of Ruby Holler, a favourite novel of mine by one of the most successful of contemporary children’s authors, Sharon Creech. I have always felt a special connection with Sharon because we could have worked together in London where she was an English teacher at the TASIS School. Her husband, Lyle Rigg, was the headmaster and in January of 1986 he flew to Chicago to offer my wife and I teaching jobs. I don’t regret taking a position in Aberdeen instead of London, but wish I could have also been a regular visitor to her English classes.
Sharon believes that we’re all shaped, for better or worse, by our family relationships and the surroundings we grow up in and experience in life. Family and place are key themes in her work, as are journeys. Many of the characters in her books embark on long trips that reflect their inner journeys. She is endlessly fascinated by how story-journeys mirror our own life journeys, and how every story is a journey in itself for both the writer and the reader.
It seems to me that the parent conferences can also be viewed as journeys for your children. Children are so much more than students who just ‘appear’ in school from the hours of 8am to 3pm. Family and place are critical components in every child’s learning journey. Hopefully, like the characters in Ruby Holler, Florida and Dallas, your children are growing in confidence and in their ability to act responsibly and with a sense of purpose toward their goals.
When I pulled my copy of Ruby Holler off a shelf in my office two pages of paper, that were stapled together, fell forward. The document was one I had typed out in 1986 when I taught second grade at Fairgirth, the Milltimber campus of the American School of Aberdeen. (It’s now part of the Aberdeen by-pass.) The document is called A MEMORANDUM FROM YOUR CHILD. I looked it up it, but couldn’t find the source of the advice, but felt it was a timely message and perhaps one I was ‘fated’ to share in this week’s Thistle. As a grandparent of a two and a half year old, I also plan to share the note with my own son. As you read it imagine that your child has written you a memo about how he or she would like to be raised. I’d like to believe Sharon Creech would approve of the message.
A MEMORANDUM FROM YOUR CHILD
Re: Me
1. Don’t spoil me. I know quite well that I ought not to have all I ask for. I’m only testing you.
2. Don’t be afraid to be firm with me. I prefer it. It lets me know where I stand.
3. Don’t use force with me. It teaches me that power is all that counts. I will respond more readily to being led.
4. Don’t be inconsistent. That confuses me and makes me try to get away with everything that I can.
5. Don’t make promises; you may not be able to keep them. That will discourage my trust in you.
6. Don’t fall for my provocations when I say and do things just to upset you. Then I’ll try for other such “victories.”
7. Don’t be too upset when I say “I hate you.” I don’t mean It, but I want you to feel sorry for what you have done to me.
8. Don’t make me feel smaller than I am. I will make up for it by behaving like a “big shot.”
9. Don’t do things for me that I can do for myself. It makes me feel like a baby, and I may continue to put you in my service.
10. Don’t let my “bad habits” get me a lot of your attention. It only encourages me to continue them.
11. Don’t correct me in front of people. I’ll take much more notice if you talk quietly with me in private.
12. Don’t try to discuss my behaviour in the heat of a conflict. For some reason my hearing is not very good at this time and my cooperation is even worse. It is all right to take the action required, but let’s not talk about it until later.
13. Don’t try to preach to me. You’d be surprised how well I know what’s right and wrong.
14. Don’t make me feel that my mistakes are sins. I have to learn to make mistakes without feeling that I am no good.
15. Don’t nag. If you do, Shall have to protect myself by appearing deaf.
16. Don’t demand explanations for my wrong behaviour. I really don’t know why I did that.
17. Don’t tax my honesty too much. I am easily frightened into telling lies.
18. Don’t forget that I love and use experimenting. I learn from it so please put up with it.
19. Don’t protect me from consequences. I need to learn from experience.
20. Don’t take too much notice of my small ailments. I may learn to enjoy poor health if it gets me much attention.
21. Don’t put me off when I ask HONEST questions. If you do, you will find that I stop asking and seek my information else where.
22. Don’t answer “silly” or meaningless questions. I just want to keep you busy with me.
23. Don’t ever think that it is beneath your dignity to apologise to me. An honest apology makes me feel surprisingly warm toward you.
24. Don’t ever suggest that you are perfect or infallible. It gives me too much to live up to.
25. Don’t worry about the little amount of time we spend together. It is how we spend it that counts.
26. Don’t let my fears arouse your anxiety. Then I will become more afraid. Show me courage.
27. Don’t forget that I can’t thrive without lots of understanding and encouragement, but I don’t need to tell you that, do I?
Don Newbury
Elementary Principal
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