From the Head of School

Parent Teacher Conferences

Over the last two days, we have had parent teacher conferences (PTCs). By the time my youngest graduated from high school in 2018, my wife and I had been to 84 PTCs between our three children.  Because I was also a teacher, I knew in my mind that teachers were not passing judgement on my children - and thus by implication my wife and I as parents - but I couldn’t help worrying a little about it, and secretly hoping that my kids were ‘ok’ (whatever that means).  On the other hand, when I was on the other side of the desk, as a teacher, it was just as easy to fall into the trap of worrying that parents were judging me.  

My emotions about parent teacher conferences may not be widespread but they are not unique.  Nevertheless, they overlook the fact that PTCs are about the students, and a reminder that we best help them when teachers and parents work in partnership.  

The best partnerships are active and equal.  It is easy to fall into the trap of thinking that PTCs will tell me one of three things: my kid is doing ok, nothing to worry about; my kid is doing really well, well done all, nothing to worry about; my kid is not doing as well as they should, time to take action. In fact, they should be about a deepening understanding of where your child is at, and the next steps they need to take.  

PTCs are a two way conversation.  An opportunity for you to find out more about how your child is doing at school, but also a chance for the teacher to find out more about your child. You have a vital perspective.  

It is important to talk to your child’s teacher about how they are doing at school; but just as important is talking to your child directly.  Ask open ended questions, ideally in context.  For example, “You are more than half way through your first year of middle school - what were the best things?  What were the biggest challenges?” You may relate it to yourself, “When I was at school, I loved giving speeches; what kind of thing do you like to do?  What makes you nervous?”  You may also want to look at some of your child’s recent work and ask them about it.  All this can help put into context the feedback from your child’s teachers.

Parent teacher conferences are an affirmation of the partnership between home and school; they build understanding of children so we can more effectively take next steps in their social, emotional and academic development.  Now that I am 84 and out on PTCs, I wish I had reminded myself more that they are not about judgement, but about care.