Conflicts: Helping Students Manage the Social Scene
What’s normal?
Social conflict in school is not new. In fact, conflict among classmates and friends is a normal part of childhood, and parents shouldn’t fear it, so how do we help our children manage social pressures? It starts with building strong connections at home.
Here are some ideas to help:
1. Empathise. If your child comes home upset about an event, the first step is to empathise- listen without judging or offering advice. When you empathise, you’re modelling a skill they need to learn, as well as creating connection that’s important for your relationship. Remember, empathising isn’t asking leading questions that imply they have been wronged. It’s important to keep your own indignation in check. You shouldn’t be more upset than they are.
2. Validate a range of emotions. Kids need to know that all emotions, positive and negative, are normal. In the safety of your home they might just need to get it all out before calming down.
3. Help them gain perspective. Media experiences can be effective springboards for important discussions about what someone might be feeling or thinking. When you’re watching a movie together or reading a book, talk about characters’ choices, including feelings, motives and behaviour. Fiction isn’t as emotionally loaded as discussing a fight with a friend.
4. Brainstorm problem-solving. Children need practice moving from feeling to thinking to become problem solvers. Get them started with “I wonder what you can do” or “Do you have any ideas?” “Would you like me to help you think this through?” or “I have one thought; would you like to hear it?”
Keep in mind our primary job is to give the message that children are resilient in coming up with ideas for resolution, and needn’t be afraid of conflict.
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