From the Head of School

Heroes and Villains

In 24 movies over half a century the arch-nemesis of James Bond was Ernst Stavro Blofeld, the villain behind the vast criminal organisation, SPECTRE.  James Bond, despite his behaviour toward women, especially in the early movies, is the ‘goodie’.  He is good, because his intentions are good - he wants to save the world.  Blofeld, on the other hand and despite his kindness to cats, is the baddie. He intends to destroy or possess the world.

If you watch the movies, you probably root for Bond, worrying deeply when he is about to be sliced in two by a laser, and cheering loudly when he springs free at the last moment to foil the evil Blofeld in the penultimate scene.

There is something very comforting about such movies.  We know the intentions of both the protagonists and antagonists in whom good and evil is personified.  But it is not how life works; we may know our own intentions but we have to guess at those of other people.  Many of us are the heroes of our own movies - our intentions are good, even if, like Bond, some of our behaviours are less than perfect. But when the behaviour of others upsets us, it is easy to assume that like Blofeld, they are full of bad intentions.  One of three things easily follows: quiet fuming, fuming with others or an accusatory confrontation with our antagonist.

It is all well and good for the school to promote kindness in a tagline on our hubs or through special weeks and to talk about the ISA value of respect, but when we feel upset, threatened or simply saddened by our child’s report of something that happened at school, how do we make these values a reality and avoid making these emotions into our own Bond movie?

Children thrive when the significant adults at home and school work together in trusting relationships.  Relationships in which we feel confident in raising concerns that will be listened to.  And we are most open to listening when we don’t feel threatened.  If we feel someone is accusing us of being a Blofeld, we will put our energy into explaining how we have been misunderstood.  If we are told that someone feels bad, and there is something we can do to help (by modifying our behaviours perhaps), we will probably be more open.

We should expect kindness and respect, just as our children should; we also role model it and, when we feel it is missing, advocate for it.  Just because we say that kindness and respect are important, it does not mean that they follow by default; or that when it doesn’t happen, it means we don’t really value it.  We are human and make mistakes, our values guide how we respond to mistakes - they are not a guarantee we won’t make any.

At ISA we have been working on making our expectations clear and some practical guidance on how to raise concerns when we feel things are not working.  They add to our already existing advice for grade level social media groups. You also may want to check out this week’s counsellor’s corner for advice on listening to your children when they are upset.  

Do give us your opinion about these documents.  We want to make sure the tone is right, showing a community working in partnership with care and boundaries.  None of us is James Bond; none of us, Ernst Blofeld.  In our messy ways, we are all trying to do the right thing.  Sometimes we need a little help in getting right.