5 Ways to Negotiate Activities
Instead of arguing with your young person, find ways to help them look for solutions. Kids love to be in charge, so often you can help them take charge while also guiding them towards better decisions when they are part of the answer...
Tip One: Say yes! Instead of saying no, say yes with conditions. So your child says, “Can I go to the movies?” You say, “Yes, after you have done your homework and chores.”
Tip Two: Say yes later – similar to above but slightly different. Say your child wants a friend to stay over and you have too much to do tonight and don’t want to share your time. Say that you would be happy to have her stay over tomorrow or the next weekend...so you say yes, but you defer.
Tip Three: Say that you’re not sure. For example, your teen asks for money to go out with friends. They have already had their allowance, so you can say that you are not sure. You gave them their allowance this week already, and they haven’t been consistent with chores and homework. Ask them to find a way to improve the situation if they need more money. Put the emphasis on them finding a solution.
Tip Four: Say I would love to, however... “it doesn’t fit into the schedule right now”, “it isn’t possible today”, “I’d like you to find another day for that”, etc. Again this way you put the emphasis on them coming up with a solution if you aren’t ready to say yes.
Tip Five: Say No. Let’s not forget that sometimes we need to say no. Keep your tone calm and save the no for when it's really important.
We hope that some of these strategies help you to negotiate all the fun spring and summer activities coming up!
Warm regards,
Valerie DeGraw
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