Counsellor's Corner

Exciting, Changing, Growing - the Middle Years

Helping a young person during their adolescent and pre-adolescent years can be challenging, exciting and rewarding.  You might enjoy these simple and effective tips for not only surviving this time with your children, but also thriving:

Be willing to listen, but don't poke or pry. Kids this age value independence and often seem secretive. Keeping to themselves is part of the separateness they're trying to create as they mature. Let your child know you'd love to help him, but don't push him into a defensive position. If your young person is in the midst of a long time friendship that is falling apart, the best thing you can do is stand by and be a good listener without trying to “fix” the problem.

If the issue is minor, keep things light. The shoes on the floor, the wet towel on the bed, the milk left out -- these annoyances are maddening, perhaps, but not earth shattering. Call attention to them in a humorous way so that your middle schooler knows you want action, but that you're not being punitive: "Either the cat's smarter than I thought, or you left the milk on the counter. One of you please put it back before it spoils." 

Think ahead to possible conflict. One of our best tools as parents is being prepared. As your young person approaches the middle years, get ready for at least occasional conflicts. Think through what's truly important to you. Is your young person’s hairstyle as important as homework? As these give-and-take situations start, know ahead of time what areas you are and aren't willing to negotiate. 

Break down big deadlines into small parts. Sometimes young people feel overwhelmed by tasks, especially those they've let go for a long time. High stress situations can cause them to give up rather than get started. Help your adolescent by showing him how to set smaller goals. Adolescents sometimes need help with executive function skills and scaffolding for practical activities.

Don't hesitate to help with reminders and external structures. Try to think ahead about materials that she'll need for a project or school event (unless you look forward to late evening visits to the store). This won't last forever. Remember that when she was learning to walk, you held her hands and made the path smooth. Now she's learning to take on a tremendous assortment of life tasks and changes, while navigating more advanced learning and social expectations. 

Organisation and Study Skills Clubs:  ISA has many after school study skill support clubs which your young person might enjoy-don't forget to check the after school support on offer here. There are also lunch study clubs with Ms Atkinson on Tuesdays and Fridays.

Have a lovely weekend!

Warm Regards,

Valerie DeGraw