Tips for encouraging Flexible Thinking
1. Take time to think about the problem. Responding too quickly to worries can sometimes fuel anxiety with our children. Find a balance between a safe environment and fostering independence. Children will also be more likely to share their worries if they know you are taking your time to find solutions together.
2. Teach them to problem-solve. Engage your child in figuring out how they can handle challenges. Give them the opportunity, over and over, “to figure out what works and what doesn’t.”
3. Think ahead. When something is bothering them, help your children think ahead to difficult situations. Put them in control of some scripts they can use to face a circumstance that they find difficult.
4. Avoid “why” questions. Ask “how” questions instead. “You left your bike out in the rain, and your chain rusted. How will you fix that?” For instance, they might go online to see how to fix the chain.
5. Don’t provide all the answers. Rather than providing your kids with every answer to their problems, start using the phrase, “What do you think might help?” Brainstorm some solutions with them. When they are able to talk through some ideas they will feel more confident in dealing with conflict.
6. Avoid catastrophic reactions: When they are worried, reassure by saying, “Yes, I used to worry about that at your age too, or yes, that is a real concern.” Sometimes just knowing that their worries are normal creates better space to problem solve. Avoid talking in catastrophic terms and help them to feel heard even if you can't fix the situation.
7. Model resiliency and help them manage their emotions. Emotional management is key in resilience and flexible thinking. Teach your children that all emotions are OK. It’s OK to feel angry, frustrated, or sad. Then, model your own self regulation in how to handle difficult emotions or situations. They will find comfort in knowing that we are always learning, no matter our age.
Warm regards,
Valerie DeGraw
School Counsellor
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